We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
