no, he came in my armpit
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
