i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
