i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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