Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
