my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
