Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
