3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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