Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
