They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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