I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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