My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i think my cat just said my name.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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