Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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