I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
