You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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