he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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