You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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