There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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