The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
