i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
