She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
