Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
