What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
