He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
