I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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