The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
