I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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