sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
