i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
