make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
