What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
