I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
