he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
