Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
