The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
