i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
