your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So many bounce houses so little time
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
