so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
