She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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