I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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