Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
