just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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