Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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