I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
