if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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