There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
