The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
and she was petting her beer can
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
