a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
