Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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