Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
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I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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