What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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