I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
