Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
