Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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