So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
