Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
