How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
