Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
