every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
