How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
