I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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