Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
