Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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