I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
