how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
