did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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