I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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