my mouth tastes like poor choices
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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