She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
