what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can I color on your dick again?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
