i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
