you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
