I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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