??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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