every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
