just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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