He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
