oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
