out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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