I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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