I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
