I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
