so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
