yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
